Masochist
by jessseri
Summary: Another Julian confession.  Set in CP Coulter's Dalton-verse.  Jogan


**I don't own Glee, I don't own Dalton, and I don't own CP Coulter's lovely characters.**

**But I have written the, so you should read it:**

"You what?" Logan turned to Julian like he had just started to listen to him.

"You heard me." Jules stood, arms crossed lightly, in front of the closed door of Logan's room.

"You're nuts." Logan turned away from the boy and went back to his homework.

Julian scoffed. "I tell you I'm in love with you and that's all you have to say? Don't you even have the balls to let me down?"

"Jules, I'm not letting you down, I'm ignoring you. You're confused."

"Logan, I think you're the confused one here. What are you talking about?"

Logan forced himself to turn back to Julian. He forced himself to look his friend in the eyes. He forced his voice to come out forceful, but not angry. But he didn't have to force himself to say the only thought that made any sense to him.

"I'm telling you that you couldn't _possibly_ be in love with me. I'm broken and an ass and unlovable and certainly not up to the standards of Julian Larson. I don't…"

Julian thought he heard Logan's voice crack here, but he was, frankly, too stunned to move, let alone comment on it. So he let Logan continue.

"I don't know if you're just feeling bicurious or you like that I'm a mess too or you're just insane and really do have genuine feelings for me, but I'm fucked up enough as it is and I don't need you to hurt me too, Jules. And I certainly don't need to hurt you back."

Julian had so much to say, but for some reason he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. What was worse: that Logan thought Julian would hurt him or that Logan had finally worried about Julian's safety in a rejection?

Logan had one last thing to say before turning back to his homework. "So we're just going to pretend this didn't happen."

Was Logan really writing this off as a misguided crush? There was no way Julian was capable of pretending this hadn't happened and the fact that Logan was… He felt defeated.

As he began to leave, hand on the door knob, he grunted angrily, "You could've just said you weren't interested."

"Do you really always feel the need to get the last word?" Logan turned swiftly to Julian with anger in his eyes but nowhere else on his face. "That's not what I meant and you're smart enough to know that."

"What did you mean, then?" Julian had let go of the doorknob and turned around, but hadn't left his spot.

"I mean, I have no idea what you are – closeted, masochistic or lonely – but you are most certainly not in love with me, and I'd rather just drop this than have you figure that out later." Logan didn't move either, but his eyes were getting angrier. "I'm already fucked up about Kurt enough as it is. You think just because I'm an ass you can joke around with my emotions?"

"Logan, I've been here for three years. I know what playing around with your emotions gets me: a yelling match and a black eye. But that's just it, Logan! I've been here for _three _years. I'm not confused. I'm not just figuring out that I'm bi. I guess I am a fucking masochist, though. Because here you are babbling on about Kurt like _he's_ been here for you, or like any of your precious soloists were ever there for you, when the only one waiting for you like a stupid fucking puppy is me. And you just ignore me. At least you're telling me you're ignoring me now."

Somewhere in that long rant Julian had wondered if maybe he could've started walking toward Logan. Maybe at the _I'm not confused._ And then by the time he finished _I'm not just figuring out that I'm bi_ he could've swept Logan into a kiss. That's how his romance movies would have played out. But he hadn't even tried because he knew it wouldn't work.

And now he and Logan were staring at each other, silent but furious. He wondered if Logan would break the silence, but, guessing that he wouldn't, he added one more stab. "And you thought _I _would hurt _you?_"

"No shit, Jules. I know that I hurt you. That's my point! So I guess this means we're going with masochist."

"That's the option where you admit I have genuine feelings for you, right?" Julian spat, immediately wondering what had motivated him to turn the conversation back in that direction when it had gone so wrong already.

"If I admit that, can we please just forget this entire conversation?" Maybe Julian would have laughed at the idea of Logan Wright saying please, but it was still such an angry request.

"I think that kind of defeats the purpose."

"Julian. Don't make me ask this way…" But Logan could tell my Julian's determined face, with his jaw pushed out and his eyes barely blinking, that he was going to make Logan hurt him even more. "If you _love _me, Julian. Like you say you do. If you love me, walk out of this room and pretend this conversation never happened."

And Julian did. He even managed to keep himself from bursting into tears for the first half hour that he sat alone in his room.

Logan, however, did not manage this. Instead he sat, face buried in one hand, wondering whether he'd made the right decision. He was so screwed up. Nothing good could come of them. Right? But he didn't need much to silence any doubts and any desire to run down the hall and take it all back: Logan thought about his past relationships. He was too screwed up. Nothing good could come of _him_.


End file.
